消磨

After 4 day holidays (actually it's 6 days cuz i skipped the classes on Wed and Sat...,) somehow i feel great even though i didn't go anywhere. i just stayed home in hualien, read novels, rode motorbike purposeless (fortunately i didn't get hurt this time) and found some stupid little things to do. i should feel guilty cuz i hav a quiz and many readings are waiting for me next week...

my parents and i disscussed (maybe i should said they "told" me) what i can do after i graduate. i knew i don't really want to do (eve try...) what they told me, but i still listened. i always think i shouldn't let my parents worry about my future... especially my mother. she devoted so much for us. everytime i go home, i really feel bad to see her suffering from the physical pain. last time she couldn't move suddenly and no one could help her. i could even feel the pain when she told me and i'm sorry that i couldn't help her at the moment. now she always said the most important thing for her is taking care of herself so that she won't be a burden... what kind of person will think her patents are burdens? as the youngest child and the girl in this family, i've had a lot of care from my parents and brother. maybe it's hard to provide any substantial support to this family now, but i really hope at least i could be mature enough so that they don't need to worry about me.....

突然間想寫東西 打了很多 後來又全部delete掉 一直重複這樣的動作
你可能覺得我很無聊 然後可能心裡也開始不自覺在猜我之前在寫什麼

老實說還真有點亂 所以我決定不寫了.....
亂靠北也不是 講講道理也不是 想講點風花雪月也沒得講

可惡 真不知道自己在孬個什麼鬼

快開學 心情有點複雜
不知道為什麼出國後反而感覺自己變得很幼稚 
瞬間大四 自己在人面前卻好像是很幼稚天真的樣子 老讓身邊人擔心
趁現在還能傻一點給人照顧也好 哈